Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment], but rear them [tenderly] in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 (Amplified Bible Classic Edition, AMPC)

There are no perfect parents, but the Lord gives us some good advice and help in raising children for Christ. This verse addresses fathers, but it applies to mothers as well.

In godly parenting, we are called to train by example and discipline in love. It can be tempting to get out of balance and go too far in one direction- either becoming too harsh or too soft. The key is to treat our children with respect. Respect does not mean we try to be their buddy or pal and avoid correction. It also does not mean we treat them harshly with a “my way or the highway” attitude. It means we care for our children like our heavenly Father cares for us, guiding them in love.

How do we avoid provoking our children to wrath while maintaining discipline? The first thing we must remember is to avoid unrealistic expectations. We cannot expect our children to think like we do. We don’t want to frustrate them by putting unfair and unrealistic demands on them. They are children and will act like children. We need to keep that in mind. In addition, we need to spend time explaining why we want them to act a certain way. “Because I said so,” doesn’t cut it. And for goodness sakes, we don’t want to tell them to do one thing and turn around and do the opposite thing ourselves. Nothing aggravates a child (or an adult) more than a double standard. That kind of behavior reeks of hypocrisy. If we mess up- let’s be honest and admit it. Apologize to them if you need to. Humbling ourselves like that goes a long way in maintaining their respect.

Trust is very important to children. We must do everything we can to keep our promies to them- even if it is something we see as a small matter. If we are unable to follow through on something we have said we would do, it is critical that we take the time to explain and make amends. Preferably, we should determine if we can really do something before we commit to do it.

We have to walk the talk- especially when it comes to the things of God. Children are quick to pick up on fakes and phoneys- and they will call us on it. We can’t act one way in church on Sunday and go home and act like the devil the rest of the week-or even worse, go home and talk about the people at church! One of the reasons that children raised in Christian homes stray from the faith when they get older is because their parents did not demonstrate the same values at home that they tried to portray for their Christian friends. We have to be authentic.

Finally, let’s bear in mind one important thing- our children are also our brothers and sisters in the Lord. As they grow older, especially as they enter their teen years, we need to begin to transition in how we treat them- going from disciplinarians and directors to advisors, guides, and even friends. As they mature, we need to gradually begin to treat them as fellow believers rather than kids.

These are just a few thoughts on raising children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. I pray this is a help to you and I pray that God gives you wisdom and strength in raising godly children.