Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Ephesians 5:21 (KJV)

Married people don’t always see eye to eye with one another. In Genesis, it speaks of the man and woman becoming one. As two very different people are in the process of becoming one, disagreements will arise. We’d be lying if we said that once you say “I do,” all your problems are over. As a matter of fact, that process of becoming one can get pretty messy at times. And while we may butt heads at times, we can handle disagreements in a way that honors God and does not do harm to the relationship.

Ephesians 5 talks about submission. The word submission has negative connotations, but submission is not a negative thing. It means walking in harmony with one another and preferring the other person over yourself. If every married person looked at marriage as an opportunity to give of themselves so the other person could succeed and be all God designed them to be, marriages would be filled with two people trying to out-submit each other. Submission does not mean being less than someone else. It just means surrendering your interests for their good. In other words, submission is an act of love, not subservience. It is a way to give of yourself. Consider these other ways that the word submitting is rendered in the following versions of Ephesians 5:21.

Place yourselves under each other’s authority out of respect for Christ. Ephesians 5:21 (Names Of God Bible, NOG)

Be willing to serve each other out of respect for Christ. Ephesians 5:21 (Easy-to-Read Version, ERV)

Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. Ephesians 5:21 (The Message, MSG)

And out of your reverence for Christ be supportive of each other in love. Ephesians 5:21 (The Passion Translation, TPT)

Give way to each other because you respect Christ. Ephesians 5:21 (Worldwide English New Testament, WE)

One way we put submission into action is how we treat one another when we disagree. Making accusations, calling each other names, and bringing up every wrong thing the other person has ever done is not a godly way to disagree. And it is not contructive. It can do serious damage to a marriage when we don’t “fight fair.”

The next time you are tempted to really tell your spouse off, remember this verse from Ephesians chapter 6.

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12 (New Living Translation, NLT)

Step back from the conflict, tell the spirit of strife to leave in Jesus’ name, and take authority over the wicked spirits seeking to bring division to your marriage. It is up to you to stand guard over your marriage and keep the devil from bringing discord. You and your spouse won’t always see everything the same way- it’s foolish to think you will. But you can disagree in a way that honors God and one another.