Forgiveness: Key to Inner Healing

Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins [forgives and disregards the offenses of others]. I Peter 4:8 (Amplified Bible Classic Edition, AMPC)

Jim has been talking about inner healing for the past couple days. A big key to the healing of the inner man is forgiveness. Forgiveness is necessary to experience healing from emotional hurts and injuries that we’ve received from others. But, what is true forgiveness and how do we do it, especially when we are still hurting?

First of all, most of us think that forgiveness is a feeling, but it is not. Emotions are not an indicator of forgiveness, although once we’ve forgiven someone, we will eventually notice an emotional change. Forgiveness is actually an act of the will. It is the conscious decision to release the hurt, offense, or injury and not hold onto it anymore. When we forgive someone, we release them from any need we had to get revenge. On the surface, it doesn’t sound fair to let someone be freed from what they did, but if Jesus did it when He was nailed to the cross, we can forgive as well.

Forgiving someone does not release them from responsibility for their actions. For example, a drunk driver who kills someone in a car accident may receive forgiveness from the family of the deceased, but they must still pay legally for what they did. When we forgive, we choose not to hold it against them, but more importantly, we release ourselves from the bitterness and hatred that unforgiveness produces. I’ve heard it said many times that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. The only person it really hurts is you.

How do we forgive? The first thing we do is decide to forgive. Then, we say it out loud. We may say it to their face, or we may just voice it out loud before the Lord. “I forgive (their name) for (the offense).” Will you feel differently immediately once you do this? It’s not likely that you will feel anything. As a matter of fact, the devil will try to bring the offense back up- probably numerous times. Each time, we have to make a decision to continue to release the offense and forgive. Then, after a while, we won’t feel so strongly about what was done to us. Eventually, we’ll be able to see the person without fuming inside. And at some point, we will be free from any bondage to the offense. The wound will be healed and we can move on.

Does forgiving someone mean you have to be close friends with the person who hurt you? No, you need to use wisdom. Forgiveness does not mean the relationship returns to its former state and you open yourself up for further injury. Forgiveness does not mean you can trust the person; it just means you have released them- and yourself- from the offense.

When we make the choice to forgive, we experience inner healing and can move on in emotional and mental wholeness.