Wisdom For Parents

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to the point of resentment with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive; nor by showing favoritism or indifference to any of them], but bring them up [tenderly, with lovingkindness] in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 (Amplified Bible, AMP)

This verse says a lot. In the King James it simply tells us not to provoke our children to wrath, which doesn’t really spell out what Paul is telling parents. In the Amplified, it goes a bit deeper. In other words, we are to treat our children with respect. We should be firm, but not to the point of being unreasonable or abusive. Granted, we are not to treat a child as our equal until they are grown, but we are not to humiliate or nitpick them. Children are people too, and as we raise them it is important to remind ourselves we are to be an example to them, not a tyrant over them.

And by all means, do not have favorites among your children. They are all individuals and God made them to be so. Do not expect them to be the same, act the same, or perform the same. Respect and celebrate their diferences. Yes, there may be one that you may identify with because maybe they inherited many of your traits, but that does not give you permission to treat them better than the others.

We are to bring up our children in the instruction and discipline of the Lord, which means we must demonstrate a love of the things of God before them. And when they disobey, we are to discipline them appropriately. To fail to do so would be doing the child a disservice because we would be teaching them that they can get away with doing wrong. And that is an attitude we do not want them to carry into their adult life. The best way to bring them up in the instruction of the Lord is to live it in front of them. And when we mess up and demonstrate a bad example to them, it is so important for us to tell our children we were wrong. That is the ultimate display of humility- to humble yourself before a child and admit a fault, mistake or sin. But it is vitally important so they see your genuine love for God and your sincere attempt to live for Him. Children don’t expect us to be perfect, but they do want us to be real.

Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 (Amplified Bible Classic Edition, AMPC)

Finally, in raising children, we are to help them find their individual direction in life based on their unique gifts, talents, passions, etc. Don’t expect a child to automatically follow you into the family business or to fulfill a desire for you that you were not able to attain yourself. For example, maybe you were never able to go college but you knew you were really supposed to become a doctor. Do not try to live out your dream through your children and try to force them to be what you always wanted to be- unless it is their true desire and call in life. Help guide them as they discover their own gifts and identify career paths that match who they are and what they like. And do it all by the leadership of the Holy Spirit. Show them how to seek God’s direction for their life. If you do these things, they will tend to follow the path God has for them.

Child-rearing is an important responsibility. Children are a gift from God that we are allowed to train and raise and then release into their own God-given destiny. As we do so, let us be genuine in front of them and trust God with the wisdom and ability to do what is best for them.