A Word to Adult Children

For the commandment, “Honor your father and your mother,” was the first of the Ten Commandments with a promise attached: “You will prosper and live a long, full life if you honor your parents.” Ephesians 6:2-3 (The Passion Translation, TPT)

There is only one commandment listed in the ten commandments that carries a promise with it. The command to honor our parents promises long life to those who obey it. What does it mean to honor our parents- particularly as we grow up and go out on our own? When we were at home, it meant obeying them and being respectful. Once we are grown, the command to honor them doesn’t go away, but it looks a little different.

As we mature, it is natural for the child to grow up and leave home. It is supposed to be that way. Parents who hang onto their children or try to control them as they reach adulthood are not behaving wisely. Children must be permitted to live their own lives. At this point, the parent has done their job, and now the primary responsibility falls to the children to continue and sustain the relationship. You see, once we’ve grown and gone out on our own, the command to honor our parents does not terminate.

As adults, we honor our parents by keeping in touch with them. Parents should not go months or even years without hearing from their adult children. That is not honorable. Make the effort to call or visit your parents regularly.

We honor our parents by seeking their advice on things. They’ve lived longer than we have and they’ve seen more. They may have some words of wisdom to share if we ask them. This does not mean you’re obligated to take every bit of advice they give, but allow them the opportunity to have some influence in your life. It honors them we when recognize the wisdom they have acquired.

We honor our parents by taking care of them as they age. When a parent becomes elderly, it is our responsibility to make sure they have what they need. It is not the job of the government, the healthcare system, or even the church to care for our parents. That is our duty. Even more than a duty, it is an honor to care for those who have cared for us.

I realize that some people did not have the best parents. True, some parents have abused their children, and may even still be verbally abusive or harsh to be around. The Bible does not say that allows us to get out of honoring them. We do not honor them for being perfect. We honor them for the role they played in bringing us into the world. God chose them to be our parents and we honor that- not how well they did at raising us. If you cannot be around your parents, you can still honor them by contributing funds toward their physical wellbeing, praying for them, and even sending a birthday card. There are ways to honor them without exposing yourself to harsh treatment.

Finally, the Bible tells us the result of honoring our parents is a long, good life. That means that the opposite would be true of those who dishonor their parents. It implies that those who refuse to honor parents will suffer in life and die younger. Let’s choose wisely and honor our parents. As we do, we’ll bless them and ourselves.