Let's Talk About It
Speaking the truth in love… Ephesians 4:15 (KJV)
There are a lot of courses and conferences about improving communication, especially regarding marriages or families. Perhaps it is just a matter of following what the Bible tells us- speak the truth, but do it in an attitude of love.
How do you talk to someone dear who has hurt you or mistreated you? What about someone with whom you have argued or had a misunderstanding? I believe if we follow some simple, but biblically-based, guidance, we can navigate the complex waters of communication. It all comes down to doing it in love.
First, always try to approach a person with a positive affirmation. Starting off by stating the problem or what you don’t like will just put them on the defensive and shuts down any flow of communication. It is harder for us to hear what someone is saying if we are offended or on the defense. For example, say something that you appreciate about them, highlight positive traits they have, or mention a positive way they handled something.
Reaffirm your love for them. This will let them know you still love them and care for them even if you have a difference of opinion or need to confront them about something. It shows you are out to help and not hurt the relationship and demonstrates you want the best for them.
Next, begin the conversation about the issue… or let them begin. Always be a good listener and a patient one. Really hear what they are saying and don’t just spend the time thinking about how you are going to respond when it is your turn. Focus on the issues being discussed and don’t take criticism or ideas for improvement personally. Address the issues with kindness, gentleness, and love. This is a key time to do everything possible to walk in the love of God and act like He would. Don’t blame, point fingers, or accuse. Name-calling is a big no-no. The idea is to lift up, not tear down. Let love dominate the conversation. You are working to resolve differences, not proclaim who was right or wrong. However, if you realize that you are responsible or partly responsible for the issues, be humble enough to apologize and ask for forgiveness. And if they ask you for forgiveness, give it freely and without hesitation.
Differences can be resolved with loving communication. Hurt feelings can be healed, and reconciliation can come. Conflict is handled successfully by simply speaking the truth in love.
